Counseling for Couples

“Connecting is not magic. Like any other skill, it can be learned, practiced, and mastered.”

-John M. Gottman

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Here’s the [not so secret] truth about relationships: every couple fights.

In fact, if you NEVER get into arguments over whose turn it is to walk the dog, do the dishes, or if you never find yourself screaming, “WHY IS IT SO HARD TO CHANGE THE F^&#@ TOILET PAPER ROLL?!” there might actually be something wrong in your relationship. In all seriousness though, sometimes you’re not in perfect sync with your partner, and that’s normal. But Sometimes there are very clear things that you know are a problem. Or, you just know you’re both not as happy as you used to be.

You fantasize about that honeymoon period. You know the one I’m talking about: that addictive time in every relationship that makes you feel like you’re living in one of those gross romantic fairytales (you know, the one you watch on the Hallmark channel when no one else is around?). When all you want to do is see your partner, just to be in their presence. Your sex life is SO fulfilling; you literally can’t keep your hands off each other. Your conversations are frequent, easy. You’re playful, and just have so much damn fun together. They make your life feel so easy.

But the honeymoon period has ended, maybe a long time ago.

You don’t understand why things couldn’t have just stayed the way they were – I mean, shouldn’t your partner always be trying to impress you? Why did they change? “If they would only just do they things they used to do, like bring me flowers, or tell me I’m pretty, or text me out of the blue, we could get back to how we used to be.” You might be thinking: what’s wrong with me that they don’t want to do those things anymore?

Conversations that used to feel natural and breezy, now feel forced and stale. In fact, sometimes it feels like you’re speaking different languages. You approach your partner, prepared to talk about how you feel, using all the communication techniques you’ve learned, but it still ends with one of you angry, and one of you crying. You miss the times when the conversation flowed freely, when you could talk to each other about anything. Now they just feel distant, and you can’t remember the last time you had sex.

Let’s work together to help you and your partner develop skills and learn techniques that will help you both feel joy in your relationship again. With a bit of work and consistency, you can feel connection, playfulness, and passion again.

Let me teach you how to fall back in love.

I’m not here to lie to you, couple’s therapy can be really difficult. Both partners have to be willing to show up, be authentic, and get real vulnerable. We’re taught that vulnerability is a weakness, and avoid it all cost. But, that’s some bullshit. Vulnerability is the only way we can form connections with people.

Through our work together, you can learn to communicate effectively, fight right, become friends again, and simply learn what it feels like to be in a fun, playful relationship that helps you thrive.